The Indians Caused Global Warming!

The Indians Started Global Warming

I live on an estuary on the Gulf Coast of central Florida. About 15,000 years ago the polar caps basically covered much of the US down to the Mississippi Valley into the midwest.  Glaciers were a mile or more thick. The reason my location means something is that back then the Gulf Coast shoreline extended about 150 miles west of me out into the Gulf. If I dig 1.5’  I hit water. So, the coastline is close now.

During this great ice age, the paleo-man (aka Indians) crossed the frozen Bering’s Straights from Siberia. They walked across the ice, which was typical of the time, into what is now Alaska and after many many generations lived in all areas of both North and South America.

Now, one of the reasons the Indians flourished over the next several thousand years was because of the abundance of large (over 100 pounds) clueless mammals across both continents. Today North America has only 10% of the large mammals that roamed the lands before the Indians showed up. But that’s another story.

As the Indians flourished and spread throughout the land, they made fires to cook the meat and fat they took and to form weapons, tools, etc. All those millions of fires over all those thousands of years created anthropologic global warming. There’s no other explanation for it. This caused the glaciers (now polar caps) to melt so badly that the ocean rose so that the Gulf Coast shoreline receded 150 miles over the centuries that followed. In other words, the beach disappeared by 150 miles. Florida was twice as wide as it is today before the Indians melted the glaciers.

So, that is proof that man caused global warming. Because of the Indians immense carbon footprints, today we have far less land than we did before they melted the glaciers and ice caps with their camp fires but it is a much more forgiving Earth. But, once and for all we should all now accept the fact that man causes global warming. Thank the Old One we no longer burn camp fires. Anyone burning a fire is risking melting what little polar ice we have remaining. So, that’s proof of man-made global warming. There’s no other explanation. The debate is over….NOT!

We just learned that Earth’s temperature (Oh, that’s another thing. We are still cooling from spacial geologic formation and we have a terrific molten iron core that is really hot and a bunch of rock under terrific pressure generating tremendous heat – and we all know where heat goes – up through Earth’s core and mantle to heat up things like mine shafts, and radioactive isotopes  in hot meltdown decay, and frog burps) has stabilized over the past decade or two. Well, as an olive branch from all to all, let’s just say that all the global warming zealots put enough pressure on enough individuals all around Earth that we finally put a stop to anthropologic global warming. So, it’s over. Thank The Great One that global warming is finally over.

Great. Now can I go back to my bbq and can I mow my lawn???

The Ringo Zone


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